Perfect

SDC17683I used to move. A lot. Okay, a WHOLE lot. It seemed that every few months I’d be uprooting myself and hauling everything I owned to another city, another state. Starting all over again: new friends, new job, new address, new cable provider. I’d jump through all of the hoops to establish myself in a spot. And for a while, I’d be fine. I’d explore, find new favorite stores, create new patterns, decorate a new home. And then something shiny would catch my eye and I’d think oh wow, I’d love to live there. And I’d uproot myself, and start all over.

For a long time, it was fine. Granted, it cost a lot to keep doing that, but it was what I did. Then one day, my oh-so-wise financial advisor pointed out that just because I liked a place, I didn’t have to MOVE there; I could just visit it.

Duh.

So I moved to St. Augustine. And I stayed there. (Okay, I did move 1/2 hour north, but that doesn’t count.) And although there are still places I think, boy, I’d love to live there (like the Oregon Coast, or Key West), I have no plans to move there any time soon. Not that I’m ruling it out, but I’m in no hurry.

So today, I was thinking about why I kept moving. And besides the seemingly obvious answers – it was a way to escape whatever bad stuff I was dealing with in my life, or a way to avoid boredom when life became too “normal” – what I realized today was that I’m always seeking that perfect moment. I find myself in a special place and I think, I want to capture this moment. I want my life to always be this perfect. But rather than acknowledging that I just need to enjoy those perfect moments – because they come pretty often – instead, I try to force it. If I changed my life and made it more like this, my entire life would be – well, perfect.

That’s when I start looking at rentals in Key West, or planning a trip out West. Because obviously, if one moment there is perfect, how perfect would a lifetime there be?

(Yes, I realize my logic is faulty. That’s why I’m writing about it. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at?)

I don’t really know that there is an all-encompassing answer. Clearly, I need to appreciate the present – something I’ve always been bad at. I need to live in the moment and think, what I have is pretty darned wonderful, right here and now. Moving to Key West isn’t going to make my life perfect. I’ll still have bills to pay (MUCH higher ones). I’ll still spend way too much time alone. There’s no guarantee I’ll find a special person to share my life with there. I just need to work on loving this moment, and then this one, and then this one, stringing together a long series into one content life.

Anyway, the last couple of days have been filled with those perfect moments. I found myself saying, “I can’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else” over and over again. Maybe there’s hope for me yet, that I’m learning to enjoy the “now.” Or maybe I was just in the right place, at the right time.

I hope your weekend was as perfect as mine was – well, except for the Broncos losing. I hope the week ahead is as perfect as this weekend was. I hope I can continue to find moments of perfection in the midst of the ordinary – or else learn to appreciate the tiny pieces of perfect in that ordinary life. I sure plan to try!

But right now, I have a perfect evening ahead of me. So I’m off to enjoy it!

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5 Responses to Perfect

  1. Sandy Records says:

    Hey you! You are awesome and I miss you! Can’t wait till I see you in a few weeks and we get to hang out in Belize!

    S! 😊

    Sent from my iPhone

  2. Rachel says:

    B! This is probably the best post I’ve read yet. So glad your weekend went, well, how you said it did. Nice work, Pollyanna! You deserve a weekend like this, and many, many, many more days and weekends just like it, too! But don’t let it go to your head 😉

  3. Liane Stark says:

    1/2 hour north of St. Augustine does NOT count as not moving! We want you back in St. Augustine proper! Glad you had a wonderful weekend!

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