I was thinking the other day about more. Specifically, wanting more. I won’t go into the gory details of WHY I was thinking about that, but it involved my writerly brain going off on wild tangents as I washed dishes, imagining the conversation I would have with someone if/when they accused me of never being satisfied, of wanting more.
And it’s true, I DO always want more. More than one scoop of chocolate ice cream. A bigger paycheck. Another hour of sleep. One more margarita. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not content with what I have. I preach that one chocolate chip cookie is enough; the next few are going to taste the same as the first one did. Two drinks loosen my tongue. One hour is plenty of time to catch up with a friend.
I can imagine folks think that I’m not content, since I always want more. But isn’t that part of life? How can you continue to grow if you don’t keep stretching? I want to be wiser. Write more books and more songs. See more places. Be smaller chested (okay, that’s not more, that’s less – but I digress). Learn to play the guitar (again). Learn to sail. Have a handsome man to spend time with. Live on an island – or in a log cabin in the woods. Or both.
But that doesn’t mean that I’m not content. If all I ever have is what I have right now, I’m a lucky girl. What’s the saying about how happy you’d be if you lost everything you have, and then got it all back? I’m happier than I’ve been in years. Maybe that’s a function of my age, or of starting to feel settled. Or maybe I AM actually getting wiser! I have good friends, a nice home, a little money in the bank. I’m not rich, but I’m also not standing on a street corner with a cardboard sign. I live a couple of miles from the beach. I won’t have to drive on icy roads this winter. I’ve even had a date or two recently! One of the songs I cowrote was on the initial ballot for Trop Rock Song of the Year; an agent is reading my third book. (I’m even considering publishing one of my books as an ebook; stay tuned for more on that.) When folks ask me how I am, I truly can say, “Great!”
I’m notorious for always looking ahead instead of appreciate what’s right in front of me. And I’ve worked on that for years, repeating to myself, “This is enough.” Maybe I’ve finally started listening to myself.
I’ll always want more. But if I never get it, I’ll be just fine. Because…I am content.
So the next time you offer me that second shot of tequila, don’t be surprised if I say yes – as long as someone drives me home!