Perceptions

A dear friend, and loyal blog-follower, wrote to me the other day and mentioned that he thought I seemed unsettled and fundamentally unhappy. And it was surprising to me because I’m actually walking around on Cloud 9 these days. (Well, if not Cloud 9, then definitely 7!) I think it’s because I tend to ponder my faults in this blog, rather than bragging about my myriad of wonderful qualities. 🙂

So if there are more of you out there worrying about me, relax. I’m doing really well. I’ve found a beautiful, serene home that looks out over the marsh, so all I see is water and grass and trees when I gaze out my windows. Soon my furniture will be here and I’ll be back among my treasured possessions, and will spend a few frantic days setting up my nest – which is grueling but very enjoyable, truth be told.

I’m meeting lots of people, and starting to feel like a part of the town. I’m spending time with Trop Rock musicians, which is where my heart lies. The nights are cooling off and soon the days will be cool and dry enough that I can turn off the A/C and open the windows, and listen to the chirping of the crickets and frogs and cicadas and whatever else is out in that marsh. I don’t have to dread icy roads and freezing temperatures (well, except for the 10 days I’ll be in NH at Christmas!).

My writing is going well. Two agents are reading my work, which is really exciting. I received notice of my first royalty check from my song (well, lyric) writing this week, and have a couple more folks who would like me to write lyrics for them. I’m trying to find time to write songs for myself, instead of just lyrics for others; my muse is kicking me in the butt daily to get busy doing that. Just need to buy a guitar…

I have dear, dear friends here who watch out for me, hug me, feed me good food and wine, invite me to events, watch football with me, introduce me to their friends, let me play with their dogs, and make me glad I’m here. The beach is a couple of miles away, and there’s a whole town I haven’t really explored yet.

Work has picked up again, so I’m busier than ever. I’ve also been accepted as a contractor for another company, and the third is still deciding. So I should have no dearth of work, which means I can start working 40-50 hours a week instead of 200 one week and 4 the next. I might even be able to pay my bills!

I have a little traveling planned, but not much. A week in Key West in November, three weeks in CA/NH and Mexico in December. I need to visit my twin in Pensacola and my aunt in NC soon. And I’ll probably head to the Dark Side of the State for a weekend to visit my friends in my old stomping grounds. But it’s kind of nice to hear about events coming up and not think darn, I can’t go to that. I won’t be here. I’ll always travel, and I’m sure in a few months I’ll get anxious to be exploring new places, but for now it’s nice to put away my suitcase and GPS.

I’m sure there’s more, but that’s a start. I apologize if all you read is my self-critical ponderings; I’ll probably always try to figure out the mysteries of life, and this a good venue to do that. I’m a Pisces, so am whimsical and emotional. I wear my heart on my sleeve, fall in love way too easy, trust too easily, am too generous. And yes, way too hard on myself. I’m trying to be less of some of those things. But in the end, I generally like who and where I am in my life. I’ll always want more but overall, I’m content.

So thanks for caring, for worrying, for fretting over Beth’s seemingly endless troubled path through life. It’s not that at all. Picture me in flip flops and shorts, sailing through calm waters, sipping a margarita, working on my tan, and singing one of my friend’s songs. Or one of my own!

And if you don’t believe me, you’ll just have to come down to Paradise and see for yourself! 🙂

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2 Responses to Perceptions

  1. Brancy says:

    I have a journal that I have wrote in on and off since I was sixteen. It was suppose to be for the big moments throughout my life, versus a more reporter style day to day version which I also had. There were years I didn’t write in it at all either because I wasn’t inspired to or as I said later when I reread it all, I was too happy to because that is when I noticed it was mostly full of woes and laments! That’s when I realized how therapeutic writing is for me and back then when I wrote as if no one but me would ever read what I wrote, I poured out my heart’s disappointments and concerns about my future and nearly all of it was about the man in my life!

    I’d like to say that changed when I realized it but the truth be known, for most of my life, the only aspect of it that was a constant quandary and source of need to vent and sort out, was my relationships with men. Everything else I had a handle on, or at least thought I did! Kids, where I lived, job, family…it all worked itself out and caused me little or no grief…but the men! Oh my! I finally decided, at least for me, that was my self learning playground was those relationships, because they gave me an opportunity to reflect on who I was and how I behaved, although even that took years to see. In my early years I just always figured there was something wrong with the men! = )

    • Beth says:

      Well, that was most likely the reason, Nancy!! 🙂 (Sorry, male readers.) A friend pointed out this morning that I need to analyze less, because things seem to work out all by themselves. And I’m going to try very hard to do that, to occupy my copious amount of brain cells with something more productive. I think blogs truly are just modern-day journals – though I won’t be writing about anything THAT personal any time soon! 🙂

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