Dreams

And then it was Wednesday. Time continues to fly.

I’m trying to write a song – for myself, this time. Trying to find a new company to transcribe for, since my current one seems to have fallen and can’t get up. Finishing my dog-sitting stint, and getting ready for my cat-sitting one. Deciding where I’m going to live this winter. Constantly trying to be a better person, iron out my faults, tweak my behavior. Figure out my dreams. You know, basic everyday life stuff.

How do you decide when it’s time to let go of a dream? Some would say that you need to keep pursuing it until you can’t any more. Others might acknowledge that you can only beat your head against a brick wall for so long before you get smart enough – or bloody enough – to stop. Maybe the pain has to be great enough before you shift to a different dream.

I would say that you have to try every avenue, do everything in your power to make that dream come true, before you can stop. It seems like quitting if you just get tired of trying, when you know there’s more that you could do to advance even one step closer to your goal.

But maybe that’s just the perfectionist in me, feeling like I can always do better, I can always do more. What I’ve done is never enough. Or maybe it’s the Pollyanna in me, thinking that everything is possible with the right combination of work, ambition, desire – and a little luck thrown in for good measure. Unfortunately, I never seem to be able to find the right amount of courage to DO all of the things I think need to be done. So I spend a lot of time believing that if I only did this one thing, all my dreams would come true – except I don’t have the nerve to do that one thing. Color me stupid.

Maybe I’m doomed to sit on the sidelines, wishing I had the nerve to dive in and try everything, sacrifice everything in the quest for that dream. I seem to lack focus in my life, flitting from one passion to the next, never achieving perfection in any one thing. (There’s that damned perfectionist sneaking out again.) Is it better to be good at a lot of things, or excellent at just one or two?

I wrote a song recently about a man who lets life get in the way of pursuing his dreams. Because I am Pollyanna, I ended it with him swearing to throw it all away and follow that dream before it’s too late. Maybe I should listen to my own advice. After all, what’s the worst that can happen if you try those scary things? Things happen as they’re supposed to, right? So theoretically, you’re just following your destiny when you stretch out and try to grab for that brass ring, or push your boundaries and do that one thing that petrifies you.

Now if I could only find the courage to risk that scary thing…who knows what might be on the other side of that fear? Maybe I’ll be that much closer to my dream…or maybe I’ll be able to finally let it go.

Anyway, find dreams. Follow them. It keeps life interesting.

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