Eeny Meeny Miney Mo

So how many of you are content with the choices you make? Each time you decide to do something or buy something or say something or think something, you’re happy with that choice? You never regret, never second-guess, never wish you could go back and make a different choice?

The hardest part is when you choose something that you know is bad for you. I want it, and I want it now. I know it’s bad for me. I know it’s the completely wrong choice to make. But I’m going to suspend logic and ignore my brain screaming “NO NO NO NO,” and do it anyway.

And then you reap the results of that choice, and you’re upset or sad or frustrated or disappointed because it doesn’t turn out like you hoped it would. There might have been temporary joy in the choice, but ultimately it doesn’t work out, because it was the WRONG CHOICE. Duh.

My wise friend Kent tried to teach me that there are no bad choices – just choices that don’t turn out like you’d like for them to. I’m good at beating myself up for what I consider bad choices, so I’m trying to learn that lesson. But when you walk into a choice with your eyes wide open, knowing there is a slim chance that it’s going to turn out in your favor – well, that’s just stupid.

So why do we do it? Is it because there’s a child inside each of us whining “But I waaaaant it!” Is it because we like to tempt fate, play the odds? After all, someone has to win the lottery. Or is it because we’re so stubbornly optimistic, believing that the Universe will make everything happen just like we want it to, even though that voice of reason is whispering in our ears, “You’re an idiot. That’s never going to happen.”

Maybe it’s because I’m Pollyanna and like to believe that the world is sunny and good, and everyone is nice, and wonderful things are going to fall on all of us if we just wait long enough and want them badly enough. If I make a choice with a pure heart, because I think it’s going to be lovely, then the Fates are going to grant my wish and indeed, make it lovely.

Or maybe it’s because I’m a risk-taker. No guts, no glory, right? I could sit quietly in my room and never take a chance, never make a questionable choice. Maybe I would never be disappointed. Or maybe things still wouldn’t turn out, and I’d be even more disappointed because I did the “right” thing. At least when I do the “not so right” thing, I know it might not turn out. So I’m not completely surprised if it doesn’t. Disappointed, but not surprised.

Anyway, I hope you have a good balance between the wise choices in your life, and the less than wise ones. I hope you have enough excitement to keep things interesting. And I hope that sometimes that chance you take turns out exactly as you hoped it would. I intend to keep making those foolish choices, because I stubbornly believe in magic. One of these days, I WILL will that lottery. (I guess I’d better buy a ticket, huh?) And then all of my bad choices will be forgotten, in the light of that one perfect one.

Here’s to choices, risk-taking, and living a life filled with surprises…

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6 Responses to Eeny Meeny Miney Mo

  1. Brancy says:

    We may be sharing planets and stars alignments, I wrote something nearly identical to this in my “handwritten” journal just a couple days ago. And I wrote about this theme a lot after Jeff died, I tormented myself big time for that year afterwards, not only about regrets I had regarding our relationship, but my entire life. It was kind of like the domino effect. Oddly enough most my life I would have told you I didn’t regret much of anything, but that was coming from having such effective blinders on. It wasn’t until the last decade of my life that I really started really looking at what I had done and how it effected my life and those around me. Much of it was borne out of ignorance, but there was plenty that fell into the category you mentioned…with eyes wide open.

    I deal with it every day. Every day I don’t do something I should or visa versa and I definitely blame that little kid in me, and said as much in what I wrote. But the more I feed her the stronger she gets and like little kids on the outside, adults often grow weary of trying to discipline them and dealing with their emotions and just let them have what they want.

    Not to say I have given up, I still fight with her every day and I think I win more than her, but she is, as most kids are, tireless and relentless and bound to win once in awhile. And is the instant gratification and fun worth it? Well, she certainly thinks so! = )

    • Beth says:

      And my response is, “Go kid!” 🙂

      I’m hopeless. HA! I think you’ve found a good balance, Nancy – whatever works, right? Thanks!

  2. Pat says:

    I wish every decision could be the “right” decision, but that’s never going to happen, is it? So, we know from the start that some of the things we do are going to be wrong…that we’ll have to say “damn, that’s really gonna hurt” some of the time, even when we are pretty certain that we made the right choice. And sometimes, we just NEED to do the thing we know is going to hurt, just have to have the feeling or the experience or the rush of adreneline…know what I mean? You are so lucky to have the means and the ability to seek out your choices and sort of make your life fit around the things you want to do…I’d say you are a pretty smart cookie. And, from where I sit, you don’t seem to be making inappropriate choices…you seem to mix it up nicely. You have traveled all over the world, and have been a home owner, fallen in and out of love, met new folks and moved around the country, enjoyed music and work and friends and places, all in the time I have been reading this blog. At least you have a full and interesting life, lots of friends and fun times, and don’t live in fear about traveling by yourself. So, I am babbling…I just want to say, you have made some amazing choices for yourself, and figured out how to live the way you want, which is more than most of us ever figure out! Go, Beth!

    • Beth says:

      Thanks, Pat. You are too sweet! 🙂 I guess sometimes we need someone on the outside to point out that which isn’t obvious to us here on the inside. Or maybe I just disguise my poor choices enough so you on the outside can’t see them!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Recently my friends and I started boiling it down a bit. In the end, all our decisions had one thing in common – we could always say ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time’. No rationalization. No explaination. No excuses. Just a simple truth.

    Odd, sin’t it?

    • Beth says:

      Well, sometimes that works. And sometimes you KNOW it isn’t a good idea, but you do it anyway. Those are the ones that bite me in the rear end. You think I’d learn! 🙂

      All we can do is go with what seems to make sense at the time, good or bad. So I believe you and your friends are vewwy vewwy wise!

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