Change

My twin Jolee posted about change in her blog today (you can read it here). In part, it reads:

Change. It’s the one thing we can count on: nothing stays the same. Some people embrace change. They are always looking for something new, something better, something more exciting, or just something different. Others don’t even like the word Change. Change means leaving behind the things that are familiar and comforting and stepping into the unknown.

The catch with those particular extremes is that the people seeking change may never hang around long enough to settle down and become comfortable with anything. Those who fear change may miss truly grand opportunities or fail to make new friends because they can’t bear to see what they love change.

I couldn’t have said it better myself (that’s why we’re twins). The universe has been dumping change in my lap recently – not the kind you can use to wash your car or do laundry, though. It has been ripping my past from me in huge chunks, leaving gaping holes in its wake.

Last summer I decided to sell my parents’ furniture. I’d been lugging it around for years. It was stuff I grew up with – my grandmother’s china hutch, my parents’ bedroom set, my mother’s platform rocker, my father’s bookcase. Since I don’t have roots of my own, those items functioned as my roots. But they were big and heavy, expensive to move, and hard to find a house big enough to hold them. So I finally wrapped my brain around selling them (with Julie’s help – thank you, Julie!), contacted an auction house, and let them go. (The auction house stole them from me, but that’s another story.)

Then when I moved out here to AZ, the movers lost and broke a TON of my stuff. I’m still discovering what I don’t have any more, when I reach for something and realize it’s gone. The mugs I collected on my trip around the world, the pizza pan my father bought me right before he died, my favorite blanket. And the latest discovery, my high school and college yearbooks. All of the notes from my dearest friends of my youth, gone forever. The moving company has been less than helpful – never use American Van Lines – and I wonder what else is gone that I haven’t missed yet.

And then the final blow – my blog. Five years of my memories, ponderings, musings, writing, pictures. Wiped out with a keystroke. Luckily I’ve been able to find cached copies of most of the posts – but some are gone forever.

My friend Yvonne says I’m on a journey. I see it as the universe cutting the strings that bind me to – something. My past? Were those things baggage or roots? Or just stuff that needed to go away?

Whatever the reason, I’m slowly coming to terms with the loss. At one point in my life, it would have cut me off at the knees. Now, I seem to be able to shrug and say, “Oh well, what’s next?” I just hope the universe isn’t trying to prepare me for losing something much more valuable than a yearbook or a coffee cup. That’s a scary thought.

I’ll look on the bright side. Maybe it’s opening room in my life for something wonderful. Yeah, that’s a better way to look at it.

Anyway, I’ve always been okay with change – in fact, the idea of doing the same thing forever is much scarier than trying something new. Although the older I get, the harder it is to make it through the changes. It takes a little longer to recover, and acclimatize. So I guess this is just another in a series of changes – learning to let go of stuff.

I never know what lies ahead. JBM knows he’s taking his family to Aspen in a couple of years. Deb and Daryll know when they’re going to paint their house next. I don’t know what I’m doing next Tuesday. Maybe it’s time I start making long-term plans. Maybe they would ground me, better than floating from A to B as I’ve always done. Who knows?

For now, I just know that whatever change is dumped into my lap, I’ll continue to welcome it. It keeps life interesting.

If you’re digging out from the Storm of the Century, stay safe. It’s 32 degrees in the desert right now, but they’re promising we’ll be back in the 70’s next week. And that’s a change I think we all can handle!

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6 Responses to Change

  1. Julie says:

    Wow, Beth! I never really put all your recent changes together until I read them all here! And, all those things lost in the move! But, you are right. I believe they are leading to something good, a new phase of your life where you unencumbered with stuff that bogs you down. When we evacuated for the last hurricane, I set my mind to thinking it was totally OK if our house and contents were destroyed. The living things that mattered were safely with me. I had a change of attitude because for the hurricane we evacuated for previously to the last was one I stuffed box after box of family photos in a mini-van and a pick up truck! There was hardly room for the living! I came to terms that my memories would have to be good enough this last time. Well, we’re still shedding ourselves of stuff here. We are getting down to what we need, love or use, I hope. Oh, it is nice to be sort of at a happy median regarding change… planning somewhat, but knowing that plans can be totally ruined. I think you should plan for meeting up this Summer! 😉

    • bhanggeli says:

      You’re my hero, Julie – I hope to be at that place someday. I might not have a choice!! Good to plan, but good to be flexible, as well. Who knows about the summer – I can’t plan QUITE that far just yet!! 🙂

      • Julie says:

        Ah, that’s what “penciling it in” is for! 😉 I surely can’t say where my family and I will all be come next Fall (or Summer or tomorrow, for that matter!), but I am “penciling in” for July! 🙂

  2. Kathy Golitko White says:

    Wonderful post for your new blog. Hope this one stays where it’s supposed to. I hope life treats you well out in Arizona, despite the losses you seem to be going through. I miss you and hope we can connect soon!

  3. bhanggeli says:

    Thanks, Kathy! Miss you and Carlo and the pups as well. I too hope this blog doesn’t disappear – guess I should learn how to back it up, huh? Thanks for stopping!!!

  4. Dave Cabott says:

    How much did American charge you to move and/or lose your stuff? Hadn’t read your blog and was amazed at all the moving around you’ve done. Ironically enough, I’ve made a half dozen trips to Chandler in the last year, would have been funny to run into you.

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